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I should be studying for my finals right now. But I feel compelled to express this short sentiment before I lose the moment.

This past week, I shared the endorphin-releasing, tear-inducing, so-hard-you-can’t-breathe kind of laughter you can only experience when you’re with your close friends. I feel like I haven’t laughed like that in a while and I was so thankful for these moments that helped me escape from the mundaneness of studying. I don’t even remember what we laughed about anymore, but the fact remains that it made me feel refreshed and alive.

That is all. Back to studying.

‘Cause we never know how long they will be here. This is such a good reminder for me during one of the busiest times of my life thus far. If I don’t have time, I need to make it.

Sometimes, it’s harder to receive kindness than to give it.

After my shift at the hospital, one of the NAs I had met that day offered to drive me home. However, I declined, thinking I would be a burden, since my dorm is so close to the hospital. After I got back to my dorm, I kept thinking how it would have been nice to take that quick 5-minute ride to receive her kindness and maybe even get to know her a little better. She seemed genuine and I could see it as I precepted with her at work.

I always hate asking others for rides. But this time, it was her who asked first, which threw me off guard. I’m not spontaneous enough to go with the flow. 

Next time, if I’m ever in that position, I will accept. If there is a next time. If not, I want to pay it forward and offer someone a ride when I have my car.

Sometimes, It’s so much easier to give than to receive. It’s such a paradox. As selfish humans, we receive without much thought when it comes to our parents or family. But when it comes to strangers, maybe it’s because I trust myself more, but I tend to be more willing to give than to receive. All I know is that her act of kindness makes me want to pay it forward.

You’re not the one that got away. No; you’re the one I should have run away from long ago.